


Simon Fucking Snow

by milo_g



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Fluff and Humor, M/M, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Swearing, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:22:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23270920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milo_g/pseuds/milo_g
Summary: "I would say you don't realize how unbearable he gets when he wants something, but I think you know him well," she starts the car and the music they heard before was resumed."Why are you two always like this with me? It's like you waited your whole lives to have a reason to bother me,” Snow whines in the front seat."Don't be dramatic, aren't we, like, your favorite people in the world?" I say."Yeah, you should thank us for being here," Bunce adds and laughs out loud.What if where, instead of going to prom, they go to /another/ party.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 1
Kudos: 32





	Simon Fucking Snow

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!! Thanks for entering. I don't have a lot to say, so, just enjoy.

It's spring, the very day of the graduation. Only I was going to attend, neither Snow nor Bunce or Wellbelove would go, they hadn't even finished their Eighth studies at Watford. They are implicitly disinvited.  
  
"Agatha's mother will throw a party at her house, like, to calm everyone's concerns" Simon hadn't step on Watford again, but he does call me regularly (if not every day) (more than once a day).  
  
"What concerns?" Our room's different without him, it's like it's not ours anymore, not even mine.  
  
"Concerns about who will be the new Mage will be?" The room doesn't even smell like him anymore, neither that vulgar smell of Watford soap that I loved so much about him.  
  
"Are the Wellbeloves trying to mount a political campaign?"  
  
"I don't know," I feel his voice shrug. I sigh and look at myself in the mirror, trying to accommodate the tie with one hand, "maybe?"  
  
We are both silent; I listen to his irregular breathing (I should teach him to breathe through his nose, so our kisses would last longer).  
  
"I have to go now, I have class."  
  
"Wait!" he exclaims and keeps talking fast, "Mrs. Wellbelove invited Penny and me, and it's the night of the prom.”  
  
I roll my eyes.  
  
"Snow," I pause, just because I know he hates it, "have fun with Bunce. I'll be late to a class for the first time in the history of the Pitch if you don't stop talking to me."  
  
I wait for his response for a few seconds until I hear his laugh.  
  
"I was waiting for you to hang up," he says mockingly, "but I see you can't resist-"  
  
I hang up, _just_ _like he wanted_ , turn off the phone and throw it on my bed.  
  
…  
  
I thought, after Simon didn't mention it for the rest of the day, that he'd forget the Wellbeloves' party and go to prom. But then I remembered that I had turned off my phone and when I remembered, Simon was at the gates of Watford with Bunce waiting for me. He tried to scold me because I didn't answer his messages or calls, but I just ignored him as he dragged me to our- _my_ _room._  
  
Before I knew it, Snow had already gathered some of my clothes and put them in my bag. It was as if, I close my eyes, in my room; I close them back, we're in Bunce's car.  
  
"What's up, Baz?" She greets.  
  
"I can't believe you're his accomplice in kidnapping me."  
  
"I would say you don't realize how unbearable he gets when he wants something, but I think you know him well," she starts the car and the music they heard before was resumed.  
  
"Why are you two always like this with me? It's like you waited your whole lives to have a reason to bother me,” Snow whines in the front seat.  
  
"Don't be dramatic, aren't we, like, your favorite people in the world?" I say.  
  
"Yeah, you should thank us for being here," Bunce adds and laughs out loud.  
  
We chatted a bit about school, Bunce asked me about my family, which Snow never does, and I ask back. About two hours later, we reach the Wellbeloves' house.  
  
We got out of the car and Bunce steps forward, sure to give us some privacy (finally!). But the idiot Snow starts walking too, so I have to grab him and jerk him to a stop.  
  
"What's the matter?" He asks as if it's not obvious.  
  
"Nothing, I just wanted to keep you from stumbling and crawling in," I mumble and watch him frown.  
  
"What's wrong-? Oh, _oh_ ,” he smiles as if he knows something I don't, “I know what's wrong with you."  
  
My brow furrows, what the hell's he talking-? Is he _hugging_ _me_? And on top of that, he _pats_ me.  
  
"Don't be jealous of Agatha, I don't feel anything for her anymore", he puts his hands on my shoulders, looks me in the eyes and smiles, "so don't worry."  
  
" _Jealous_? You think I'm jealous? Snow, _please_ " I laugh not to kill him. "I'm upset because I haven't seen you in weeks and you didn't even stop to give me a bloody kiss."  
  
He's about to say something, but I hear anxious footsteps running to the door and it slams open, revealing Wellbelove. He looks at me like, apologizing and I shrug.  
  
"Good evening," she says, and the nerves in her voice reach this far, "are you going to come in, or...?"  
  
"Yes, we will" I step forward and walk toward her. "Good evening, Wellbelove."  
  
I pass her and don't take two _damn_ steps, that I come across Mrs. Wellbelove, who looks at me as if it were a ghost.  
  
Close, a vampire.  
  
"Agatha, honey, may I talk to you in the kitchen?"  
  
Wellbelove nods and looks at Snow and me, “come into the living room; Simon, you can turn on the TV if you want."  
  
I follow him without speaking. The Wellbeloves' living is simple, but no less elegant. There's a TV cabinet full of records, some books, and family photos; in front, a three-body sofa, where Bunce is already sitting, on one side, looking at her phone. I sit on the opposite side, very close to the armrest, but that doesn't seem to matter to Simon, because he sits almost on top of me.

Wellbelove and her mother are in the kitchen, and despite Snow turning on the television and turning up the volume, some snippets of their conversation come to me.  
  
_Since when have you been friends with the son of the Grimm-Pitch?_  
  
_I'm not; I think Simon is, he was his roommate after all._  
  
_Simon? No, it can't be._  
  
Oh, but it can. And we are not _just_ friends.  
  
_Agatha_ _, they can't be here during the party. We allowed Simon and Penelope to come, but the Grimm-Pitch boy is too much._  
  
I can't help but raise an eyebrow.

_Maybe…_  
  
Ah, I know that voice tone. Shy and slightly manipulative. You surprise me, Wellbelove.  
  
_I don't think anyone has anywhere to go, and they were counting on being here, mom. Maybe I could take them somewhere else, but I'd have to miss your party._  
  
_Do whatever you have to do, Agatha, but get rid of them._  
  
That sounded harsh, even by my standards.  
  
For a second I thought Wellbelove would be a little hurt by how her mother judged her friends, but it was obvious that's what she wanted.  
  
"Guys!" she exclaims, drawing the attention of Bunce and Simon, "we'd been invited to _another_ party.”  
  
…  
  
The four of us got into Wellbelove's car; Bunce takes the front seat and Snow and me in the back. I have my eyes fixed on the window, but I know, I _feel_ , that Snow's staring at me.  
  
There's faint music coming from the radio and the girls talk about who sings those songs.  
  
I feel Snow's hand close to mine, feel the soft touch, but he doesn't hold mine. He sure expects me to. The car lights up for a few seconds thanks to the street lights and Simon and I make eye contact through the reflection in the window. He winks at me, maybe he's trying to be sexy, but he just manages to be ridiculous.  
  
I smile and reach out my hand to stroke his.  
  
Soon after, we arrive at destination. It's a rather shallow house, although it isn't ugly.  
  
Wellbelove walks in front of us, Bunce behind her, again with her phone and us behind, brushing our shoulders. Wellbelove knocks on the door and, shortly after, it opens.  
  
"Agatha!" Exclaims a girl our age. They hug and then turn towards us.  
  
"Minty, these are Penny, Simon and Baz."  
  
The girl approaches and hugs us one by one in such a way that it is impossible to avoid it.  
  
"Come in, everyone!" She speaks too loudly. "The party just started."  
  
Bunce barely looks at her and then follows Minty; Snow looks at me and shrugs. He starts walking towards the entrance and, seeing I'm not following him, he gives me a gentle tug on the sleeve of my shirt.  
  
The music is loud and it's quite hot inside. There are quite a few people, all _Normals_. Wellbelove stops a lot, greeting many people, although she doesn't introduce us to any.  
  
We got to the living room and Snow disappears to go to the snack table, Bunce sits on a sofa still with her phone and Wellbelove is gone. Suddenly, I find myself standing in the middle of the room, alone, like an idiot.  
  
"Don't you want to eat something?" Snow asks when I reach his side.  
  
"No, Snow, I don't want to eat." He looks at me questioning, and I roll my eyes. "My fangs grow" I whisper, angry, "as _always_ when I eat."  
  
"And a drink?" He smiles that way I really like. "I don't think I've ever seen you drunk..."  
  
"I never got drunk. I don't even know if I can reach that state. "  
  
"We should try."  
  
Snow drinks from his disposable cup and then offers me. I roll my eyes and take a long sip, staring at him. I totally shudder at the disgusting taste.  
  
"What the hell is this?" Snow shrugs.  
  
"Wine, I suppose. Everything’s on pitchers. "  
  
It surely is the cheapest wine they could get.  
  
I get closer to the table and inspect the jugs. But I end up taking a beer.  
  
"I didn't know you into _that_ , Basilton." Snow smiles; his cheeks are flushed and the tip of his nose is pink.  
  
"And I didn't know you were a lightweight, Simon."  
  
He giggles childishly. "I'm not a light weight... I think? What's that suppose to mean? "  
  
I smile and look him in the eye. I _really_ want to kiss him... here and now. If we were alone with Bunce or even Wellbelove, nothing would happen, but I don't want to risk in front of so many Normals.  
  
I'm about to talk, to invite Simon to the backyard or some lonely place to make out, when Minty shows up.  
  
"Guys, come on! We'll play the best game in the world! "  
  
That's enough to convince Snow and he follows her, dragging me with him.

...

Everyone's in the middle of the living room, or at least most, sitting in a round. There's an empty wine bottle in the center. It reminds me of that stupid game we played in kindergarten; if the roulette pointed at you, you had to say something about yourself. I sit next to Simon, hugging my legs, to avoid touching the normal next to me. The only loser I don't mind touching is Simon, so I get closer to him.  
  
A boy spins the bottle, without even explaining the rules. The bottle turns hard and points to a girl with glasses and black hair, who looks at the boy and smiles shyly. He smiles too, flirting with her. They both stand on their knees, approach and kiss each other, in front of everyone.  
  
This is _not_ like what I played in the nursery.  
  
"When do you think the game starts?" Snow asks me, and I can't help but look at him.  
  
" _This_ is the game, Snow," I mutter irritably.  
  
The bottle spins again, and this time aims at Simon.  
  
I don't stop to see who turned the bottle; I just get up, fast. I feel like he's barely pulling my shirt, but I ignore him and walk away from the round.  
  
I find an open door leading to the backyard and go out.  
  
This is all stupid, and I want to go home. I never liked parties, much less full of normals.  
  
An empty bench is next to me and I sit down. To the side, somewhat hidden, there's an almost full bottle of wine.  
  
I shouldn't...  
  
But, _who cares?_  
…  
  
"Baz, what the fuck?" I startled, how did he get so stealthy?  
  
He approaches me and takes the cigarette out of my mouth, harshly.  
  
" _Pardon me?_ What the fuck with _you._ "  
  
He doesn't answer me and throws the cigarette on the floor, not bothering to put it out. I settle back on the bench and bring the bottle to my lips. I look at him sideways, still drinking, and I find him leaning against the door, folding his arms and looking at me too. I don't see him angry, or anything special, just a little serious and that draws my attention a lot.  
  
"Are you going to stay there all the time or are you going to sit like a normal person?"  
  
Again, he's silent and that's already making me nervous. He sits next to me- he lies down, rather, and reaches out to take my bottle. I barely smell him, and I notice he had beer, in addition to the wine from when we arrived. I turn completely to him.  
  
"Are you drunk?"  
  
"No."  
  
I narrow my eyes, "How much did you drink? "  
  
"Are you making excuses for not giving me your bottle? Because a simple no is enough. "  
  
I roll my eyes and hand him the bottle, judging how he drinks.  
  
Bloody hell.  
  
"You _are_ drunk," I say, offended.  
  
"How can you say that?" This idiot... he tries to sound serious, but his voice breaks at the end and he ends up laughing.  
  
"By Merlin, you are _impossible_."  
  
"You love it."  
  
"We're not even talking about that."  
  
"Oh, but you would love to talk about that."  
  
I look at him with a frown and he looks at me with narrowed eyes and that silly smile. I say nothing, and he brings the bottle back to his mouth.  
  
"Did you know that alcohol is poisonous to humans?"  
  
"Of course not."  
  
"It is, Snow, why do you think teens drink secretly?"  
  
"Ah- makes sense I guess."  
  
"It's harmful to your health. A lot. If you take one more drink, you fall dead. "  
  
"I think it's exaggerated."  
  
"So, if alcohol is that dangerous," I continue, sure that I fooled him completely, "and you drink it like nothing, then I can smoke-“  
  
"I knew you would say something like that! Of course not, Baz! What would I do if you catch fire and die? "  
  
"Get drunk till death to find me in the afterlife."  
  
"Always so romantic."  
  
"Not as much as you."  
  
Fuck everything, I'm going to smoke anyway.  
  
Simon's gaze is quite sharp as I ignore him, but he says nothing. I put the cigarette to my lips and light it slowly, which makes him even more upset. I inhale deeply and slowly release the smoke through my nose. When I turn to him, Simon looks at me with his mouth slightly open.  
  
"You're going to catch flies."  
  
"I want to kiss you so much." ... wasn't the result I expected. "Can I?"  
  
But I'm quite satisfied.  
  
I take one more sip, throw the cigar to hell, and before I can breathe it out, Simon grabs me by the nape of the neck and kisses me. I blow the smoke on his lips as he sticks his tongue into my mouth. His kisses are more, how can I say it? Rough... no, passionate, but since he’s drunk, I think he doesn't realize much what he’s doing. It feels great, without a doubt.  
  
We part to breathe and Simon sighs before speaking.  
  
"I love your cigarette smell... but it leaves you with a strange taste in your mouth.”  
  
I blush slightly, delight and embarrassed, "well, you have the disgusting taste of wine and beer. "  
  
"We're gross, aren't we?"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
I kiss him again, this time carrying the kiss. Simon is anxious, but I stop him; when he wants to stick his tongue out at me, I close my mouth and barely part away, but then I come back, several times, until he gets angry and I laugh out loud.  
  
Then, the door swings open and we part quickly.

"By Merlin, I was looking for you two."  
  
"Ah, Penny," Snow says casually, as if he hadn't panicked and was now squeezing my hand, but hey, "what do you need?"  
  
"We have to go, Agatha is puking." If there was something I didn't dislike about Bunce, it was that she could find us in a dark corner kissing, and wouldn't say anything about that.  
  
"What!? Is she okay!? “Simon gets up quickly, concerned.  
  
"Yes, Snow, that happens when you drink too much."  
  
"She's going to die!" He looks at Bunce and me, waiting for us to say something. "How are you not worried?!"  
  
"Because I don't care?" I shrug.  
  
"What you mean? She's not going to die, Simon" Bunce shrugs it off and turns back. "I'll see you in the car, hurry up."  
  
Alone again, Snow turns to me, frowning, but I ignore him. I go back to the house, passing all the Normals and avoiding the drunkards. This is... impressive, so little do the Normals resist? If I'm not mistaken, the party started an hour ago, two at most.  
  
I get to the car and I'm alone again. I thought Simon was following me, but apparently not.  
  
After a while, Bunce and Wellbelove arrive, and she looks terrible.  
  
"Where's Simon?" She asks, tired and I think a little fed up.  
  
"I think he forgot something inside," I lie, and before I can go find him, he walks out the door. It is not even three meters from us, I feel the smell of that filthy wine.  
  
"Ready?" He _dares_ asks as if nothing.  
  
Before we could get into the car, Wellbelove throws herself on Snow.  
  
"I want to sit next to Simon!"  
  
I try suppressing my urges to separate Snow from her and nod, ready to sit at the front, but Simon takes my arm.  
  
"I want to sit next to Baz!"  
  
Bunce looks at me, laughing, and I ask myself again, why the fuck did I come here?

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments are appreaciated(?).
> 
> I have to confess, if you didn't realize while reading, english ain't my first languaje. If you see sentences that sound /really/ weird, please tell me, I'm still learning!
> 
> If you liked, I hope you follow me on my social media, so I have someone to talk to(?) ig: @milo_gomi
> 
> Also! The tittle is based on Norman Fucking Rockwell, by Lana del Rey. I think the first part of the song really sounds like Simon.


End file.
